In the event of a zombie outbreak, there is going to be general chaos and anarchy. What does this mean for us? Free stuff. But how can you be sure you're looting to the maximum?

First of all, you're going to need a place to keep your newly aquired booty. Hopefully you arn't retarded and have a safe spot that's zombie proof. You should also have some form of transportation by now (wether it's a stolen army tank or just a quick escape on foot by way of rooftop). You also need a route that multiple people may need to take, and take more then once to go back and forth from the place you are looting to your safe spot. NOTE: when storing things at home don't keep everything in place incase that place gets overrun or get's infected. In summary, don't carry all your eggs in one basket.

Now, where are you going to loot? Well, that depends on what you need. Although it might sounds appealing to run down to the nearest Source and snatching up all the iPods and a new flatscreen TV, this may not be the most efficient option. First thing is obvious, food. Depending on the level of chaos and the severity of the outbreak, the grocery store might be in ruins. In a total outbreak, the only thing left after a few days is going to be cat food. You're going to want to go to convenience stores. They carry basic groceries, eggs and non-parashables as well as bottled water. You might as well grab up all the ciggarettes while you're at it, trust me, you'll need them. Even if you don't smoke people will do damnwell anything for ciggarettes, you'll be able to trade them off later.

Now you'll need to start storing up luber and other building supplies. You'll probably need some form of automobile for this, as transporting lumber, cinderblocks and powertools by hand will suck some serious ass. Head down to your local lumber yard, you'll have better luck then at a bigger store (Rona, Home Hardware) because of less compotition to get to the good stuff. You'tr going to want to get quick dry cement, barbed wire and cinderlocks for building. In terms of wood you'll want a lot of two-by-four's to board up windows more perminantly then the kitchen table you nailed to the door spur of the moment. These will be a little harder to transport then food. Remember, don't overload your vehicle. You don't want it to break down in the middle of a hoard of the bad guys.

Make sure no one in your party has any special needs. Babies and small childrem for example will need to be taken care of if, heaven forbid, you get stuck with some. In this situation I'd probably just use the kid as zombie bait. Or just keep it around in case you get really hungry in the night. Other people with special needs might be anyone from your diabetic neighbour to your crack addicted best friend. In both situation, you need to get them the proper medication or bad things will happen. I HIGHLY RECCOMEND looting your local pharmacy. You'll need plenty of uppers and stimulants for doing work and plenty of downers for people freaking out. Having someone who know's their meds on your team will be a big help. NOTE: your local stoner will claim to know a lot about shit like this. It's probably just shit he's heard in at highschool. In this case, trust the sketchy guy down the street who obviously deals verious drugs. He'll know his shit.

So you've got enough food to keep you and your company happy, healthy and motivated for a long period of time, have a little fun. So long as you're not putting yourself at risk, why not? Head down to your local LCBO or Beer Store and stock up. Remember: vodka, whiskey and run will help you a lot. Don't get the cheap girly kind that's flavored like strawberries though. You'll want high alchohol content and low sugar content. Alchohol can help with pain, fear, morale and courage when fighting. Just remember that it's a diuretic (makes you pee like a mother fucker) so drink lots of water and you wont have a hangover. Seriously. Also remember that alchohol is a downer, so use appropreately.

Weapons. You'll need lots. And not just guns. Sure, they're great and we feel more manly when we use them, but you need other options. Head down to your local gun shop (which will probably be raided pretty quickly so hurry) or the Armoury in your town (other people will probably be hiding out there). Get guns, any other weapons you can find (they probably have oldschool bayonettes and maybe even some axes or swords, look around), and barbed wire.

Okay, so you head downtown Day 3 of Z-attack. Complete chaos has ensued and all the stores are empty and trashed. Now you need to be creative. Pick a small, wealthy neighborhood. Start kicking ass. You'll need to loot houses for food and weapongs. Check the kitchen, the garage and the medicin cabinet. If there is someone inside, either kill them or let the join your team, depending on what they have and how genorous you are.

So there you have it, the basics of looting. This should be fun but it's also quite important if you want to be able to live comfortably and safely while fucking up zombies shit. On Z-Day, where will you loot first?

Beer not coffee in our cup, tonight we're gonna fuck shit up.

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